Ouch!

That is the sound of me gaining a little more experience and hopefully wisdom. There are times when events conspire to remind me that I don’t have things all figured. I go along most of the time thinking I have a pretty good handle on this adult thing - relationships, work, responsibility - and perhaps most of the time I even do. But every now and then I am sharply reminded that I am still in the polishing stages of adulthood, as it were, and probably will be for a very long time. In fact, I probably won’t be “polished” until I have all sorts of wrinkles.

I suppose one bit of polishing I’ve received recently is the realization that I can still, at times, even though I thought I’d pretty much learned how to avoid it, screw things up spectacularly in certain areas of my life. It’s like being on a train wreck, and when it’s happening I’m like “what the hell is going on? i thought I knew how to drive”. But when it’s over and I lie there I find that, surprisingly, I can still get up again, and feel happy fairly quickly, and even start thinking about what I can learn from it.

As a child I always thought adults had it figured out, they knew what they were doing. Turns out they’re faking it. I’m faking it. But having to fake it less and less as time goes on. Imperfection is ok - and in fact, if I had it all figured out right now, what would be the point of going on? Not to mention that I’d be a totally insufferable know it all, which is already something I have a dangerous tendency toward.

When sucky things happen it also helps me remember, starkly, what’s important.

So thank you, experience. I think I’m learning.