Parenthood

Ampersand had another seizure tonight. We thought he was fine; it had been four months since the last one. All of his blood tests came back fine, except for weird thyroid levels that they can’t quite interpret but say don’t have anything to do with his seizures. But there we were, hanging out in the living room reading and relaxing when he started to convulse. This time we knew what to do instead of crying and screaming and feeling helpless while we think our dog is choking to death before out eyes. Mike helped Ampers lay down while I ran for the bag the vet gave us in November in case we saw another seizure, a bag I’d almost forgotten about. I injected liquid valium into Ampersand’s rear end (who ever even conceives of doing such a thing when they pick up the fluffy wiggly puppy that will become their dearest furry companion?) and the seizure stopped in about a minute, which was quicker than before. After a few minutes of laying there drooling and shaking while we petted him and talked to him he got up and was able to walk around. We took him outside where he stuck right to my side as I walked around the yard, and seemed just fine. We gave him a bath (messy business, seizures) and he spent the rest of the evening following us about looking at us with a “what’s up with you guys?” expression. He was soon back to stealing dirty socks out of the laundry basket.

Tomorrow we call the vet and start over with asking Why did this happen? It’s possible he has epilepsy and will continue to have seizures every so often. If he continues this pattern (not that twice quite makes a pattern) he might have a seizure about 9pm, while sleeping by the fire, exactly two days after the last full moon. Those are the similarities as I can see them between the two events… last time we were watching Letters From Iwo Jima, and we thought maybe the flashing lights and sounds of war triggered it, but tonight we were reading quietly - so maybe not that. Maybe it’s his dogfood. Maybe it’s the carpet. Maybe it really is the cycle of the moon. I just wish we knew… but having a dog as part of your live, and loving him as we do ours, means accepting uncertainty and emotional pain every now and then.

The rest of the time, Ampersand is our ray of fuzzy sunshine, spreading joy wherever we go.